Reading 8/20: Subtext Bookstore, St. Paul

What: Tad Simons reads from his short-story collection, The Bleeder

When: Thursday, Aug. 20, 7:00 p.m.

Where: Subtext Bookstore, 6 W. Fifth St., St. Paul

Join me downtown St. Paul's newest, best (and only) independent bookstore. I'll be reading from my short-story collection, The Bleeder, as well as sharing some more recent work. I'll be joined by local author Catherine Dehdashti, who will be reading from her new novel, Roseheart. 

A good time will be had by all, guaranteed. 

Labor Troubles at Pembroke Press

Pembroke Press editors are protesting poor "treat"ment by management.


Top editors at the highly regarded St. Paul publishing house Pembroke Press are in a dispute with management over their employment contract. The editors claim that management is not meeting its contract obligations, and that the press’s work is suffering as a result. Rather than put out an inferior product, the editors have vowed to put out no product at all until the dispute is resolved.

“Our contract clearly stipulates that we are entitled to a variety of tasty treats every ninety minutes,” says head editor Sarge “the Sergeant”. “For months now, we’ve only been getting half a cracker two or three times a day, tops.”

According to Pembroke’s management, the treat cut-backs are not a cost-saving measure, they are “for the editors’ own good” in order to control their weight and encourage them to be more productive. Pembroke’s editors consider this argument a red herring—one that, incidentally, they aren't allowed to eat.

“We hit the dog park three times a week and go for walks practically every day,” says assistant editor Mojo “the Emoji,” who has worked at Pembroke for three years. “Now they’re telling us that’s not enough—that we have to run more in order to ‘earn’ more treats! It’s ridiculous. We’re corgis, not greyhounds.”

Until the editors’ demands are met, all work at Pembroke is scheduled to stop. “It’s August. It’s hot. We’re tired. It’s a good time stage a protest,” says the Sergeant. “Maybe we’ll get back to work in the fall. Who knows? Who cares? It’s not up to me—it’s up to them.”

Management’s lawyers are currently reviewing the treat-allocation clause in the editors’ contracts, and say they will soon put a counter-offer on the table, close enough to the edge for the editors to reach it.###

Cyber Terrorists/Climate Change No Threat to The Bleeder

There has been some concern in the reading public that the combination of global warming, persistent hacker attacks, and a looming El Nino may limit worldwide availability of The Bleeder.

There is absolutely no truth to this rumor. The U.S. government and our largest corporations may not be able to prevent hackers from gaining access to their data, but The Bleeder’s cyber-security team certainly can.

“To date, no hackers have even come close to breaching our firewalls,” reports Lars Peterson, head of The Bleeder’s cyber-security division. “The government is obviously curious how we can achieve such a superior level of protection, but our secret is not for sale—only the book is.”

As for global warming and the threat of El Nino, The Bleeder is printed on temperature-resistant paper to protect it from the ravages of an unpredictable environment. You can even throw a copy into a fire and it won’t burn, because it’s been chemically treated to prevent readers from trying to dispose of their copies in fits of so-called “reader rage.”

Rest assured that access to The Bleeder has not been compromised. The book is just as available as it always was.