Cyber Terrorists/Climate Change No Threat to The Bleeder

There has been some concern in the reading public that the combination of global warming, persistent hacker attacks, and a looming El Nino may limit worldwide availability of The Bleeder.

There is absolutely no truth to this rumor. The U.S. government and our largest corporations may not be able to prevent hackers from gaining access to their data, but The Bleeder’s cyber-security team certainly can.

“To date, no hackers have even come close to breaching our firewalls,” reports Lars Peterson, head of The Bleeder’s cyber-security division. “The government is obviously curious how we can achieve such a superior level of protection, but our secret is not for sale—only the book is.”

As for global warming and the threat of El Nino, The Bleeder is printed on temperature-resistant paper to protect it from the ravages of an unpredictable environment. You can even throw a copy into a fire and it won’t burn, because it’s been chemically treated to prevent readers from trying to dispose of their copies in fits of so-called “reader rage.”

Rest assured that access to The Bleeder has not been compromised. The book is just as available as it always was.